Dear Stranger Who Left a Note on My Car:
You know, it was the one that said "Learn to park" and then had a colorful word I'm hoping my boys never unleash on a woman (or any person for that matter) especially in anger or frustration. We had been at the Pittsburgh Airport dropping off my boys' sister and their nephew before dawn for their early flight back to Seattle. It was an earlier than normal wake up; the bubs were actually sleeping when the alarm had gone off at 1:45am (the husband and I were discussing whether we thought we would have alarm-alarm or baby alarm that night, fooled us babies!). The boys were generally jollier than any person should be dragging themselves out of bed at that time and clamoring into the car for a jaunt down I79.
We drove separate cars so PAG could take the Seattle family in one vehicle and I could come down in familial solidarity. It was an uneventful drive in the darkness; no deer, no construction, although it seemed there would be activity and slowness later in the regular part of the day.
We arrived at PIT with time to be comfortable going through the airport with tiny people and there was less of the craziness that PAG had told me about from the pickup earlier this week. Our only snag was parking; I misjudged the line in the dark and parked like a crazy person in two spots instead of one. I got out questioning my choices and the look on my husband's face was so embarrassed yet loving. Not wanting to hold things up and knowing we'd be in and out with some quickness, I chose not to readjust the placement of my car.
Perhaps you saw this as I was unloading my one-year old bubs into the double-stroller and having a jolly laugh at my own ridiculousness. Maybe you really needed that spot next to me because it was your lucky airport spot. I like to think you didn't see me at all and just came up to a Chevy Cruze abandoned and looking like a shitshow in two parking spots. Anyways, no matter the lead up, it obviously filled you with rage to see someone being so dick-ish about parking spaces when that business is valuable real estate at the airport. I get it-so, you put a note on my car to teach me a lesson.
I did learn a lesson that day and have had it in my heart ever since. I wanted the chance to respond to being called a b-word for the error of offending you at the wrong time. Here it is; I get it-I judge people too. It is a personality habit that I am frankly ashamed of. It is unChristian and unkind and unhelpful. I judge people for the same mostly harmless bullshit that caused you frustration that morning. Maybe you were on the edge of anger or frustration already for factors I don't even know about, but isn't that how all of our anger comes about? Don't we allow things to build and build inside of us until we snap over something minor? Aren't we all guilty of this and we need some crazy lady parking her car badly to pin our frustrations on? I get it! I have spent the better part of a year feeling angry, scared, and frustrated for reasons I often cannot really articulate or control. I am trying to be the daughter, mother, wife, teacher, friend I can be while surfing hormone and life changes that I don't fully comprehend. So I too find it easy to look at nuisances and pet peeves and exact some mental vengeance through judgement.
This judgement I generally keep to myself and just chuckle at how much better it makes me feel to be better than someone because of stupid things. Car stickers really bother me because they are inviting me to judge them as I sit in the passenger seat or walk uptown. I get really frustrated with folks at restaurants who (in my mind) have no business being in a restaurant because they treat the service and workers poorly or cannot possibly seem to restaurant (like honestly, please read). But anyone who experiences similar feelings may appreciate the downside of allowing all of that to build up and ferment. I get angry and sarcastic and turn inward with dark and angry thoughts that just swirl and spiral, never really accomplish anything or making anything better.
This is how your note felt; I wasn't bothered by it (I know I parked like an asshole) and I don't think you really felt better because you left it. Generally if I am feeling particularly prickly, I try to mentally remind myself that we all do this and it is mostly unhelpful. We are all carrying around baggage with us (as in the case of the airport, sometimes literal baggage) and we can either help out each other by taking a breath and holding out a hand to help each other, or we can tear each other down with judgement and harsh words. I didn't help you out because I parked like an asshole, and yes, I probably should have realized my dick-move and adjusted my car to be a better parking lot citizen for those twenty minutes. I don't think you helped yourself by calling me out for it. I don't think raining judgement on each other is our spot to occupy while we are here, and I hope to impart that to my boys. We are all here together trying to share our space and time in the world. Hopefully we can do it in ways that are kind and caring and thoughtful. I wasn't thoughtful that morning, but you weren't either and I don't think the two wrongs made right. Let's do better next time!
Sincerely,
The B*** Who Will Park Better Next Time
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