Saturday, March 17, 2018

The IVF Chronicles: Prelims to Preggo-hood


Bilbo and Wall-E have now been out longer than they have been in if that can possibly be believed.  That saying of the days being years and the years being days is spot on; it is a cruel yet amazing truth that our babies have grown and become people as rapidly as they have.  Seeing my coworker's new baby boy at a few weeks old and B&T's sweet baby girl at three months reminds me how tiny yet fragile they felt when they were below fifteen pounds.  The new baby smell is so nice and those first sounds are so sweet;  I do get the butterflies in my uterus feeling their tiny fingers and hearing their little coos, but I am reminded that those early days I felt very fragile and vulnerable and affected by their every cry and overwhelmed with all of their possible needs that I could not translate.  I know they are forming bonds and learning to make sense of their "people" and how to make their wishes known in ways other than squalling, but I remember it feeling like slow goings as we went through it.

I think back to those beginnings and am blessed to know how lucky PG and I were going through our preggo journey.  We learned a lot a long the way, and I now understand so much more about my own lady hormones than I ever thought I wanted to know.  Due to life circumstances, we were never going to have children the fun and sexy way, bummer I know (especially for you readers who thought you were going to get the 50 Shades treatment of my love life).  We discussed with our doctors the options, and they were confident IVF was our only option to potentially have our own biological children.  I should have written more down as we went through it, but honestly, then and still now, I feel like I am grasping at the strings of my balloons of responsibilities and constantly have this feeling like some are slipping away.  So here I am beginning to jot some of my thoughts on the development of our preggo adventures, and maybe if you are going through your own infertility struggles or twin preggo journey, there are some anecdotes here to laugh at or at least give you one more person to connect to on your way.

Prelims to Preggo-hood

PG and I were put on the IVF path by our urologist, Dr. J.  As part of the UPMC Magee team, we knew were going to see a quality doctor, and he really was knowledgeable, but he had not really a sparkling personality, but definitely a memorable one.  I have learned throughout this whole business that medical professionals need that ability to banter and bond when dealing with people at their most vulnerable or with sensitive subjects (you know, the ones involving body parts that would make my fourth graders giggle).  I learned that these professionals have a level of comfort with body parts that is admirable, yet to the lay-nonmedical person, alarming.  Dr. J. was no different, but was very matter of fact and supportive in what we were trying to do and how we could reach our parental goals.  He had the coolness of an all-state athlete who did not need to remind you of how talented he was and if he were an instrument player, I have no doubt he would have been a trumpet player with his NBD attitude about overcoming obstacles.

We were able to ask questions about alternative options and he gave us the honest odds of the likelihood of conception without the highest level of Assisted Reproductive Therapy (ART).  The numbers were not good (like for some reason below seven percent chance not good sticks in my head), and he told us straight up that we would probably waste a lot of time and money going through those options and not just jumping into the deep end.

I am not a fan of facing odds and numbers.  I don't feel the rush of possibility when the PowerBall comes around with its super mega-millions because I have never felt like a beat the odds kind of person (we'll revisit this later-turns out I was incorrect about my preggo-potential).  I like making confident, calculated decisions.  I like knowing that I have the capability to control variables and therefore outcomes. So naturally, I wanted to have a kid where the possibilities were endless and there would be no control any more!  And we were going to have to do so in the most foreign to us way possible, where the odds were daunting and the cost financial and emotional high.  

As you are embarking on your own tiny-human adventures, a critical component when getting involved in any getting preggo ambitions, you will need people who are convinced that every challenge is conquerable and are willing to cheer you through plan A, B, C and D in your efforts to get to the finish line (or the starting line depending on how you view the successful birth of your child/children).  PG and I needed the team of people we had both medical and non-medical who checked in on us, offered us advice, and gave us emotional support when we most needed it.

Dr. J. was one of those folks who offered us some of our earliest advice when we consulted him about where he recommended we look for IVF services and his combination of professionalism, coolness, and caring stick with me as what we needed at that stage of our journey.  He directed us to Reproductive Health Services out of Monroeville and we fully had faith that he was giving us the best advice.  Trust and faith are big pieces to this reproductive puzzle and we trusted him with this recommendation.  And now we have two couch climbing, belly laughing bubs thanks to his early guidance.

As mentioned, this is the beginning of a series of reflections on our preggo adventures where hopefully I accurately recall and give proper credit to the folks who helped us in our journey and how we managed to handle the transition from married couple to married couple with two bopping boys.  I'll look next time at the "holy crap-what do all of these letters stand for and you really want to take my blood again?!" of IVF.      

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